Some Girls by Jillian Lauren

Author:Jillian Lauren
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin USA, Inc.
Published: 2010-03-09T16:00:00+00:00

“Ask her if she’s still going to come to the Caymans with us this year,” my dad said in the background.

“Honey, are you going to make it home in time to come to the Caymans with us? We’d really like it if you’d come,” my mother translated.

“No, Mom, I don’t think so.”

“What did she say?” my dad asked my mother.

“No. She said no. She can’t come this year.”

“What? I’m stuck with just her brother? Tell her she’s ruining my whole vacation.”

My mother didn’t translate this last comment. Instead she said, “Are you really all right?”

“I’m great. This is a great job. I can’t pass it up.”

By the time I hung up, I was relieved that they knew the sort-of truth and I was also relieved that I didn’t have to see them for a while. No one was waiting for the phone, so I called Sean. I called Sean and wept. I missed him. I was homesick. I turned around and watched myself in the mirror as my face turned dough-pale and splotchy. I secretly liked watching myself cry. It was like watching someone else’s face. It proved to me I was feeling something. Sometimes I spent so much time acting the part that I forgot how I was really feeling, forgot if I ever even had any real feelings.

“Then come home, Jill. Just come home,” he said, sounding tired. Tired of me. Later he told me he wasn’t tired of me, he was sad for me, for what I was becoming, for his inability to change my course.

“I can’t.”

“I can’t help you.”

I called Penny and she told me the show was proceeding without me, but assured me there would always be a place for me. We’d write in something new when I got back. Except I didn’t know when I was coming back. I regretted not assuaging my mother’s worry, not returning to Sean, not being there while Penny was writing our show, but I was compelled to stay in a way I couldn’t explain to any of them. I couldn’t just walk away. I couldn’t leave and let Serena win. I didn’t want to be the quitter.

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